Gardening 101

To ama,

For all the gardening you’ve done

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Step 1: Consider what kind of garden you would like to build.

Mama backs her car into the driveway slowly, careful not to hit the newly purchased ping pong table placed against the wall of the porch. The beeping of the reverse sensors disturb my post-kindergarten car ride slumber. 

I woke up groggy. Ugh, what a tiring day, my 5-year-old self thought, just seconds before dashing through the front door of our house.

“Ama! Ama! Look what I made in school today!” I shout as I frantically search for Ama in every room of the house.

“She’s in the garden weeding, dear. Why don’t you join her?” Mama says.

“Weeding?” I’d never heard of that word before. Intrigued, I go to see what boring adult chore Ama is doing in the garden. And there she was, sitting on a blue plastic chair under the late afternoon sun, weeding.

“May I join you?”

Ama looks up at the sound of my voice, a gentle smile finding its way across her face.

“Of course, Jia Ning.”

I take the matching red plastic chair beside her and plop myself onto it clumsily. Ama laughs.

I then proceed to pluck out the uglier grass sticking out amidst the patch of green, luscious pearl grass.

So this is weeding.

“Ama, actually I really like our garden. Next time when I’m bigger I want a garden just like ours,” I tell Ama excitedly.

“Oh really? That’s nice to hear. Do you want some tips on gardening?” Ama offers.

“Yes please hehe.”

“Okay. But I will only reveal one step of gardening each time you weed with me. So you would need to join me for future weeding sessions if you want to know the next step.”

“Okay!” I promise without hesitation. Of course I could spare some time between kindergarten and cartoon breaks off my hectic schedule for a bit of weeding.

“So, what’s the first step?” my eyes wide with anticipation.

Ama smiles again.

“The first step, is to always consider what you want. Observe your surroundings, weigh your options, ponder upon it, visualise it, then make a decision.”

Huh? I’ve only been on this earth for less than a decade, woman there are only so many words my brain can comprehend, please speak my lingo.

As if she read my mind, “You know, back in the day…”

OooOOo, story time. Now we’re talking.

“I didn’t have many options in life. I just started secondary school when the war happened. It was safer for young girls, girls my age to get married as soon as possible because it lowered the chances of the Japanese ‘bothering’ girls once they were married…” Ama looks off into the distance.

I don’t know what Ama meant by “bothering”, but she looked hurt, so I just waited for her to continue at her own pace.

“I could’ve continued my studies, become a teacher like all your grand-aunties. You see, I think I was pretty good at school, and probably would’ve done quite well myself,” she smiled proudly. “But I considered everything going on in life then, and decided that marrying your grandfather at that age was the best option.”

I nod slowly, trying to process Ama and Ah Gong’s love story.

“And so it’s the same with gardening,” Ama says in a switch of tone, as if she had snapped out of a trance.

“You may want to build so many kinds of gardens in your home, but sometimes, your ideals may not align with reality, and that’s okay.”

Ugh, big words again.

“Because every kind of garden is beautiful, right?” she asks as her smile reappears.

“Yep!” I may not know big words, but I do know beauty when I see it.

Ama chuckles.

“So, remember to always look around you first before deciding on something.”

Grateful she used simpler vocabulary this time, I think I understood what she meant. I think.

“Okay Ama! I can’t wait to hear the next step the next time we weed.”

“See how la, when I’m in the mood to talk I’ll tell you.”

“Eh I thought you’d tell me the next steps every time we weed together?”

“I’ll continue when I think the time is right,” Ama smiles mysteriously. “Are you disappointed? Does that mean you won’t be joining me anymore?”

“Of course not! I’ll still join you next time,” I smile as she rubs my head affectionately.

---

Step 2: Determine the specifics of the garden and stick to them.

I didn’t go to kindergarten today. I’m graduating soon and classes have mostly been used for preparing for our upcoming graduation performance. Surprisingly, Mama let me skip, but on the condition that I help out at home.

“Deal!” 

Anything to skip those practices.

I see Ama in the garden and hop towards her.

“Oh? Not going to school today?”

“Nope,” I smile cheekily. “School’s always there, I can go tomorrow. I want to weed with you.”

Ama shakes her head in disapproval, but can’t help but smile at my desire to spend time with her.

“Well, even though you’re not going to school today, your education shouldn’t stop. I think I should share the next step of gardening with you.”

Oh wow I picked the right day to skip school.

“After you know what kind of garden you want, the second step is to know your land, determine the specifics of it like the perimeter, ...”

Perimeter. I think I’ve heard of that word somewhere.

“...the type of soil, the suitable plants and things like that. And the most important thing is to work around these things, and stick with them, because you can’t change them anyway.”

I nod as I try to pull out a stubborn weed.

“You remember how I said I chose to marry your grandfather? Well, married life wasn’t easy, not because of your grandfather but because of your great-grandfather, Ah Gong’s father. He was… a dictator.”

Dictator, I haven’t heard of that word. I should probably ask her what it means. When I look up I see a hint of sadness in her eyes, but it goes away as soon as she sees me looking at her.

Maybe I’ll ask her a bit later.

“I couldn’t change my situation. I wasn’t going to divorce your grandfather or leave my family for it. I chose this path, and I would stick by it, working with what I had, supporting my family, because I knew my role as a daughter-in-law, a wife, and a mother.”

“Any regrets?” I ask after a long pause. I think it was my first time using the word “regrets” as well.

“Seeing you here with me, no,” she smiles, and I can’t help but notice a few more wrinkles at the corners of her eyes.

“And so it’s the same with gardening,” Ama pauses before continuing, “you need to work with what you cannot change, honour your previous decision and commit to it.”

Honour, I think I know what that means.

---

Step 3: Build out your space.

Life is a bit more hectic these days ever since I started going to “real” school and getting involved in more activities.

Today’s a rare free Saturday. Piano class got cancelled and since it’s the 5th Saturday of the month, I didn’t have ballet class either.

Ama slowly pulls out two plastic chairs.“Join me?” she asks with that familiar smile of hers.

I hesitate for a bit. I really wanted to just rest at home, but I eventually plop myself onto the red chair, and start weeding with her.

“The next step is to build out your space,” Ama says after some time.

I take a second to recollect my thoughts.

“But shouldn’t you already have space for a garden if you’re thinking of getting a garden? Why do you still need to build it out?”

There’s a long pause.

“I don’t mean in terms of space, but more in terms of the foundation of the garden. You need to take time to invest in the foundation, to make sure everything is in place in order for the plants to thrive in the future.”

Cue life story in 3..2…

“In life, you can see the foundation as the people around you. It’s very important to find the right people. And it’s very important to build them up, because they can be your support system and frankly speaking, we are called to be builders and empowerers to them anyway. We need to be kind,” Ama pauses again.

“Life is cruel enough already, we don’t need to contribute to that,” she frowns.

Woah.

“Mama told me a while ago that life was pretty tough for you… I’m sorry about that,” I say in an attempt to console her.

“It’s not your fault, so there’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”

“But though it was tough, I heard you were still very kind to those around you, especially pastors.”

Ama stays silent. She continues weeding.

“Great-grandpa, your father, was a pastor right? Mama told me a while ago that people didn’t really treat him well…because pastors weren’t as respected as they are now. So you helped them out whenever you could, cooked meals for them, invited them over... I think that’s very nice of you to do, Ama, to break that cycle of cruelty,” I smile.

Ama continues weeding.

“And so, it’s the same with gardening. Build out your space, build up your foundation, then only can your plants thrive and give back to that foundation. It’s a cycle. Make sure that cycle is a healthy one.”

I miss her smile.

---

Step 4: Equip your garden and your gardener.

Life is hectic. I’m a senior in high school and am heavily involved in sports and other extracurricular activities, but I enjoy myself amidst the busyness.

But now I have to focus on SPM.

Ugh.

And I still have chores to do.

Ugh.

When I reach home, I see the familiar sight of Ama and her blue plastic chair.

She looks up.

“Back from school?”

“Yes. We had sports day today, I ran as well.”

“Oh. How was it?”

“Good. Yellow house got second place. Our relay team and cheerleading got first.”

“That’s good… Do you still have some energy to join me here?”

“Erm, I have other chores to do also.”

“Oh it’s okay la. It’s just I was thinking of telling you the next step,” she says as she continues weeding.

Just a short while, I guess. I pull up the red plastic chair and plop myself tiredly.

“The next step is to equip your garden and your gardener… You’re bigger now. Do you want to guess what that means?” she says slowly.

Wa I’m already physically drained, wasn’t really planning on using my brain right now.

“I guess after all the planning and laying the foundation, it’s time to actually get all the things that make up a garden. Seeds, tools, planters…, ’cause without these things it wouldn’t be a garden, it’d just be a barren piece of land. As for the gardener… there’s no point in having all the right materials but not knowing how to use them. So the gardener has to equip themselves with the knowledge and confidence to actually work everything out.”

Ama stays silent for a long time. I wonder if I have to repeat myself.

“Yes that’s correct…” she says eventually.

“What chores does Mama want you to do?” 

The sudden change in topic startles me a bit.

“I need to keep the clothes then prepare the veggie and mee hoon kueh for dinner.”

“Okay. You know how to check if the clothes are completely dry right?”

“Yea for pants it’s to check the crotch area and for shirts it’s the armpit.”

“Yes… And for the veggie, make sure to…”

“Beat it then chop it at a 45-degree angle, I know.”

“Yes, yes… Do you need help with the mee hoon kueh?”

“No worries. I remember your famous recipe, the best in town,” I smile.

Huh. I guess she has been subtly equipping me all this while.

---

Step 5: Grow the garden.

Mama backs her car into the driveway. I notice she’s been reversing slightly faster as of late. Maybe it’s because her new SUV is more powerful compared to her old car, and we finally got rid of that ping pong table after all these years. We didn’t use it much anyway.

I wake up from my post-college-move-out-day car ride slumber. I’m exhausted from the moving and all the crying and goodbyes.

“Hi Ama,” I greeted her after I realised she hadn’t noticed me standing at her room door.

She’s not as sharp anymore.

She turns and looks at me blankly, whether it’s because she’s actually expressionless or because her face is just droopier so you can’t see much expression even if there is some, I’m not sure.

“You’ve slimmed down. Have you been eating?” the first thing she says.

I laugh. Typical grandmas.

“Yes yes, don’t worry. It’s just that I've been playing lots of sports.”

“I see… I used to play many sports too,” she replies.

“I know,” I say as I help her up and get her walker.

I look around her room to see if anything has changed since I left. Nothing has, as expected.

“The next step is to grow the garden.”

Wait, what is she talking about?

“Growing the garden is the next step.”

Oh right… but that’s pretty self-explanatory though.

She gets up and walks towards the blue plastic chair.

“It’s okay, Ama, I think you should rest. I can do the weeding.”

“Let me do it la. I want to weed,” Ama replies slightly annoyed.

I relent and join her in the garden.

“Growing requires time and patience.”

Yes, yes it does.

“But more importantly, it requires love. Love is the greatest of them all.”

I feel like one would expect people to look up and smile and say that with watery and hopeful eyes. But not Ama. She just continues weeding.

“I agree,” I say in an attempt to keep the conversation going.

“This garden was a lot of work, blood, sweat and tears, but it’s also your labour of love. Building a garden is hard and oftentimes we feel like giving up because it seems like the work put in is simply not proportionate to the outcome we’re getting, or the work doesn’t even match the outcome altogether. There’s so much waiting and trial and error involved as well and we wonder if it’s all worth it or not. But because of love, we know that it is, and so we carry on.”

Maybe this isn’t about gardening after all.

Ama does not respond for a while, whether it’s because she can’t hear me or she hears me but it just doesn’t register in her once sharp and alert mind, I’m not sure.

“Join me the next time I weed. I’ll tell you the final step… but it seems like you know it already.”

I’m confused by her statement, but at this point in time, the exhaustion has gotten to me and all I want to do is rest.

“Okay I’ll try. Bye Ama. I’m going to freshen up, it’s been a long day,” I say as I turn to walk away.

I stop after taking a few steps and turn to look back at her.

She continues her weeding, but I think after a while she sensed my stare.

She looks up and smiles.

There’s that smile.

---

Step 6: ?

Crowds of family and friends have been visiting our home, their shoes treading on our garden as they enter.

Amidst all the handshakes and hugs and condolences from distant relatives I haven’t even heard of, I slip into the back portion of the garden.

No one and nothing is here, nothing but a lonely blue plastic chair.

I stare at it.

Mama finds me and puts her arm around my shoulder.

Tears find their way down my cheeks.

What’s the next step, Ama?

---

Step 6: Carry on.

I come back home for my semester break after my second year in university. I see kakak in the garden, weeding. Ever since Ama left, she’s taken over her place as chief gardener. But when I see her in the garden, I can’t help but feel disappointed sometimes.

That’s not how one gardens.

Anyway, I can’t be bothered right now. All I want to do is melt into the couch in front of the TV for some Netflix and chill, or maybe just doze off as a result of the typical university-student-sleep-deprivation syndrome.

As I was getting ready to be a potato, I could not help but feel this tugging in me.

I looked at the garden.

I went over to kakak. She’s sitting on the red plastic chair.

“May I join you?” I ask her.

She’s shocked. I don’t blame her. No one sees me in the garden much these days.

“No need la. You go rest.”

“I’d love to do the gardening with you.”

She tries to convince me that she could do the work alone but to no avail. So she pulls up the blue plastic chair for me to sit on.

I plop myself onto it without hesitation, and carry on the work that Ama had done before.

Carry on.

The two words echo in my mind.

That must be the last step.

A smile finds its way across my face, as I carry on this “boring” adult chore of gardening, taking with me all the wisdom Ama had graciously bestowed upon me, to every garden I build.